I try sometimes to post my thoughts and feelings, but seem to get it done very well. Everything that seemed so important to me when I started to log in now seems silly, trite even.
But maybe if I get it out I will actually feel better, trite and silly though it seems. First, I'm tired. Tired of what? Tired of washing dishes, cleaning floors, taking care of other people, feeling like shit, not sleeping at night, reading Tarot for people who ask about love, and not being kissed, held, fucked or confided in by my husband. Oh surely that's enough for now.
I've been physically tired for two weeks since I acquired this lovely little upper respiratory thing... I've been washing dishes since I was 8, taking care of other people since I was 18, feeling like shit a great part of my life, not sleeping at night for the last week, doing a lot of readings for the past year, and all the other stuff has been so long ago I think I have forgotten
Now none of this compares to the pain of hunger in Darfur, my daughter's best friend who is lying in a bed dying of cancer at the age of 47, war, pestilence, and all the other horrible things I might add, but am not going to write because well my hands are tired. I have been in much worse positions myself even, but I'm still tired.
Do I feel better yet? I'm not sure. will I post this? I'm not sure.
I DO need to get a grip! I DO refuse to take the medications that keeps this attitude all covered up!! I WILL learn to deal with these days in a more positive fashion. But right now I'm going to go read a book. enugh said