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A House Divided

In 2008 the husband retired. For me this meant that he would spending more time at home than ever before. It has, in fact, turned out to be almost all of the time.

Just having him what had long been "my space" during the daytime was a shock. One day he came into mykitchen and tried to tell me how to bake something. Whoa. Sparks flew. For 40 years I had reigned the supreme queen of that kitchen and how dare he? ... Things have calmed down since then and we manage to inhabit the same house by having boundaries. I never go into his sleeping quarters if it it can be avoided. He doesn't like anyone to be in there and locks it after he leaves. Not my way, but he grew up with a number of younger siblings who ransacked his "stuff" so his hands off my stuff ways probably started there.

He also has a bathroom with a shower. Until last year I had used the shower now and then, but in 2018 boycotted said shower because the husband refused to allow a remodel. Even using my money, it was a no go. I am grateful that the housekeeper keeps it reasonably clean.

He rarely, if ever goes into my bedroom, either of them. I have two because you have to go through what is really the guest bedroom to get to my bathroom so I keep some clothes in there.

He has an office which I will sometimes visit to ride the stationary bike or get something out of the closet. I don't like to hang out in there because he listens to talk radio constantly and I find that most objectionable in so many ways.

I have a craft room, but it is located quite close to his office so the talk radio leaches into my air space. I have found that if I put on music he will put on his headphones. If I really need to work in there, I do that.

We share the rest of the house, uneasily at times, but he has recently taken to joining me in the evenings to watch television.

I am grateful that our house is fairly larg, we are both my nature introverts, and there are 10 acres out there to roam. Having never lived alone (the girls were my companions) I have no idea if I would enjoy living that way. I do think about it.

And, I wonder what it would be like to have a partner with whom I wanted to hold hands.

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( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
spikesgirl58
Apr. 7th, 2019 04:34 pm (UTC)
Wow, my hat is off. I couldn't live like that. TBG gets upset that we don't use the same shower. We are almost always in the same room with each other, although doing different stuff. Our place is big enough that we can be as 'alone' as one can get with five cats. My hat is off to you
rosegardenfae
Apr. 7th, 2019 07:05 pm (UTC)
I never thought of it as an accomplishment. I have a long history of emotionally unavailable men.
spikesgirl58
Apr. 7th, 2019 10:40 pm (UTC)
Not that it's an accomplishment as much as you can and do live like that. I wouldn't be strong enough.
amethyst_witch
Apr. 7th, 2019 04:35 pm (UTC)
*hugs*
rosegardenfae
Apr. 7th, 2019 07:08 pm (UTC)
Not to worry, I am fine. It works well enough at this point.
amethyst_witch
Apr. 8th, 2019 02:30 am (UTC)
I know...I know you're a tough cookie. But that last line...I could feel it. My ex I was with longest before Scott was very emotionally unavailable (like my dad, which is apparently a thing we do? Weird but I do see the pattern with myself and other people) and I just know how draining and lonely that can be at times.

<3
chocobell1212
Apr. 7th, 2019 05:09 pm (UTC)
That is really a shame. That has to be hard at times. My husband retired first and I worried when I retired that we would get in each others way. We have a pretty small house. I didn't need to worry, (thank whoever is handling this kind of thing), we do most things together. We do sleep in separate bedrooms now. I think because of all the meds he's taking, he gets cold so easy that we put flannel sheets on the bed as well as a heated mattress pad and heated blanket. Even with duel controls I just can't handle all the heat. Plus, I move around a lot in bed and he doesn't. So, it's just easier.

I've never lived alone either. I don't know how well I would handle it. At least your house is big enough that you can grab your alone time. "hugs"
rosegardenfae
Apr. 7th, 2019 07:07 pm (UTC)
It was harder when I was was younger, not so much now. One can get used to most anything. We simply have little in common except the kids and the garden.
gracegiver
Apr. 7th, 2019 10:24 pm (UTC)

One can get used to almost anything.... So true,  pick your battles, right?

rosegardenfae
Apr. 7th, 2019 11:47 pm (UTC)
Right.
gracegiver
Apr. 9th, 2019 02:40 am (UTC)
oh yea, and one more thing ... *reaching across the cyber word to hold your hand*
rosegardenfae
Apr. 9th, 2019 12:26 pm (UTC)
Thanks, that would be your uninjured hand right? ;-)
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Apr. 7th, 2019 05:37 pm (UTC)
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missdiane
Apr. 7th, 2019 07:33 pm (UTC)
Two people living completely separate lives in the same house and not roommate? I’m sorry about that. Was there ever a time where you lived more together?

Although when it comes to dreams of living with your other half, I have really no basis of comparison since I’ve never done that so I can’t judge
rosegardenfae
Apr. 7th, 2019 11:51 pm (UTC)
In the beginning it was different. We did a lot of things together and with the kids.

We just grew apart instead of together.
kabuldur
Apr. 8th, 2019 09:41 am (UTC)
Marriage is a very tricky thing. Congratulations on staying together so long!

I'm glad the cleaner goes into his bedroom and bathroom, otherwise I'd worry what state they'd be in!

That is way cool that he now watches television with you!
rosegardenfae
Apr. 8th, 2019 02:51 pm (UTC)
No kidding about that bathroom!

Not sure how we made it so long, lots of bumps and interruptions, but we are both so old looks like we're in it till the end.
kabuldur
Apr. 9th, 2019 12:10 pm (UTC)
Yes, it does. And who knows? He might soften and you might have a romantic ending :)
rosegardenfae
Apr. 9th, 2019 12:23 pm (UTC)
Maniacal laugh.....if that happens I'd probably croak right on the spot!
kabuldur
Apr. 12th, 2019 12:28 pm (UTC)
At least you'd die happy!

I'm not saying to expect it. Just that it would be a nice surprise :)
njlorelei
Apr. 9th, 2019 01:21 am (UTC)
I kind of think a lot of marriages grow this way but they just don’t talk about it. You’ve lived your life together for so long and you know each other’s good and bad parts. You both probably depend on each other for different things. I believe my in-laws have the same type of relationship. I just hope you have happiness and love, even if it isn’t quite the romance it may once have been.
rosegardenfae
Apr. 9th, 2019 12:25 pm (UTC)
I agree. He does lots of things for me being a person who shows love by acts of service. He doesn't require any upkeep, even does his own laundry. It's not all bad. It was never a romance really a marriage for practical reasons and one that saved us both from a bad path we are on at the time.
olbuksings
Apr. 12th, 2019 01:05 am (UTC)
I get it, m'dear. I've lived in that house...
rosegardenfae
Apr. 13th, 2019 01:37 pm (UTC)
I know you understand.
olbuksings
Apr. 13th, 2019 01:48 pm (UTC)
All too well, m'dear...
rosegardenfae
Apr. 13th, 2019 03:25 pm (UTC)
Thought I had a snuggle buddy lined up, but he was ill and had to cancel our breakfast date. I have not pursued it further, seems like too much trouble. Every man I've chosen (well, maybe there was one) has been a disappointment, probably time to stop.
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )

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