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I keep trying to write, but my anxiety levels are so high my mind is just too paralyzed to function.

Why? You might wonder. Overreaction to life situations I will answer.

A night in the ER with Anah whose last muscle spasm was seizure-like and now has her on the path of neurological exploration. All the docs are fairly certain, it's a pain/stress related reaction, but a sleep deprived EEG is scheduled next week. I worry too much.

My brother taken by ambulance to the hospital in the city with s septic bone in his hand. Surgery today. He has suffered so much. I cry a lot.

The last three mornings raccoons have dug up most of the plants I have in pots outside. I pick up the pieces and replant. Today we have an attack plan, ammonia and epsom salts to repel the bastards. I'm really angry.

The heat and drought continue. I despair of garden success. And no matter how much insect repellant I apply, the chiggers are merciless. I itch.

And reading this entry I see why I haven't written. Really now, who wants to read this litany of "oh woe is me." My overreaction disgusts me. 

But I will kick myself in the ass, pack my suitcase and leave for Colorado on Friday. I can do it, yes I can. And I will reset myself and come home renewed.

Anah's test will be negative. My brother will live or if he must he will die.

Soon, I'll breathe easy again.

Comments

justapostcard
Jun. 11th, 2018 04:45 pm (UTC)
i love these kind of entries. the real stuff and i agree with another commenter that’s it so good to get it out. my best friend and i do this with each other — writing or reciting a list called “...and i have bats in my attic!” because once she went on a serious rant about all that was wrong that ended with “and i have BATS in my attic!” and we both broke up laughing.
rosegardenfae
Jun. 11th, 2018 09:09 pm (UTC)
Good that I forced myself to write, it feels easier now that it's out of me.

Oh, that's a wonderful story. Makes me laugh too. BATS IN THE ATTIC. I'll remember it forever! :-)

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