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I keep trying to write, but my anxiety levels are so high my mind is just too paralyzed to function.

Why? You might wonder. Overreaction to life situations I will answer.

A night in the ER with Anah whose last muscle spasm was seizure-like and now has her on the path of neurological exploration. All the docs are fairly certain, it's a pain/stress related reaction, but a sleep deprived EEG is scheduled next week. I worry too much.

My brother taken by ambulance to the hospital in the city with s septic bone in his hand. Surgery today. He has suffered so much. I cry a lot.

The last three mornings raccoons have dug up most of the plants I have in pots outside. I pick up the pieces and replant. Today we have an attack plan, ammonia and epsom salts to repel the bastards. I'm really angry.

The heat and drought continue. I despair of garden success. And no matter how much insect repellant I apply, the chiggers are merciless. I itch.

And reading this entry I see why I haven't written. Really now, who wants to read this litany of "oh woe is me." My overreaction disgusts me. 

But I will kick myself in the ass, pack my suitcase and leave for Colorado on Friday. I can do it, yes I can. And I will reset myself and come home renewed.

Anah's test will be negative. My brother will live or if he must he will die.

Soon, I'll breathe easy again.

Comments

amethyst_witch
Jun. 11th, 2018 04:00 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

I for one am "happy" to read even when it's not all sunshines and roses coming out yer butt, because I'd rather my friends get this shit OUT than keep it all in and let it fester. You're not bothering anyone by having emotions; we love you, girl.

<3

rosegardenfae
Jun. 11th, 2018 04:01 pm (UTC)
Oh lady, you are always sooo good to me. Can I adopt you? <3<3<3
amethyst_witch
Jun. 11th, 2018 04:04 pm (UTC)
I think you just did :)
(We all have a blood and a spirit family, don't you think? We're in this together, luv <3)
rosegardenfae
Jun. 11th, 2018 04:12 pm (UTC)
Indeed we do. I forget that.
amethyst_witch
Jun. 11th, 2018 04:18 pm (UTC)
It's easy to. Anxiety is a sonofabitch :l it definitely does not help when real things are happening like this, I know. I know I don't need to remind you of this, but try to get out in nature <3 it's the one thing that always helps to ease me
rosegardenfae
Jun. 11th, 2018 04:39 pm (UTC)
It does help. I'm going out to the pool after a bit. It's seriously hot down here, but the water is good and calming.
amethyst_witch
Jun. 11th, 2018 04:40 pm (UTC)
Oh that is a wonderful idea :)

Enjoy it <3

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