rosegardenfae (rosegardenfae) wrote,
rosegardenfae
rosegardenfae

Paralyzed or Would you like some cheese with that wine?

I keep trying to write, but my anxiety levels are so high my mind is just too paralyzed to function.

Why? You might wonder. Overreaction to life situations I will answer.

A night in the ER with Anah whose last muscle spasm was seizure-like and now has her on the path of neurological exploration. All the docs are fairly certain, it's a pain/stress related reaction, but a sleep deprived EEG is scheduled next week. I worry too much.

My brother taken by ambulance to the hospital in the city with s septic bone in his hand. Surgery today. He has suffered so much. I cry a lot.

The last three mornings raccoons have dug up most of the plants I have in pots outside. I pick up the pieces and replant. Today we have an attack plan, ammonia and epsom salts to repel the bastards. I'm really angry.

The heat and drought continue. I despair of garden success. And no matter how much insect repellant I apply, the chiggers are merciless. I itch.

And reading this entry I see why I haven't written. Really now, who wants to read this litany of "oh woe is me." My overreaction disgusts me. 

But I will kick myself in the ass, pack my suitcase and leave for Colorado on Friday. I can do it, yes I can. And I will reset myself and come home renewed.

Anah's test will be negative. My brother will live or if he must he will die.

Soon, I'll breathe easy again.

Tags: #anah, #bill, #complaining, #fuck anxiety
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