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Stuck in a Nightmare

Maybe it was foreshadowing, the death of the little dog that lived up the road. Seems like he'd always been there in front of the house where he lived, watching from the yard all the many times I'd drive by. Like me he grew old. I guess he got slow, may be deaf. Saturday morning he died under the wheels of a car. Daughter #2 saw it happen and brought the news in with her.  Oh how sad we felt.

But life moved forward and we were planning a bonfire. I had just finished the chili and the men had lit the fire when the call came. My granddaughter, Anah's close friend committed suicide. His name was Eli.  He was 14. He used a gun.

He was an outstanding student, brilliant even, well liked. But home was not a good place, no parental guidance. He was missing all night and no one looked for him.

My beloved Anah fell to her knees. Her disbelief, her grief and loss engulfed her like a flame. Her first loss. She knew he was troubled, she tried so hard to save him from the darkness. She brought him here to the farm where they ran around exploring in the way of kids.  She hugged him every day at school. Oh course it wasn't enough and her feelings of failure  pierced my heart.

Today will be the first day back to school. The freshman class is wearing red bandanas in Eli's memory.  It was his trademark. Today will be hard.  Though I know Anah must go through this, I weep for her pain and for the pain of his other friends, kids forever changed by this event. Children no more, thrust into a maelstrom of feelings an adult would find hard to handle.

What kind of world do we live in where a 14 year child can find no Hope?

Goodbye Eli, may you be at peace.


( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 6th, 2017 03:17 pm (UTC)
No Words...
Rest in Peace, dear Eli.

I will be lighting a candle for Eli tonight and asking the forces to help guide his spirit Home.

Can't say how sorry I am for you all... Wishing you all strength and love.

Nov. 6th, 2017 03:50 pm (UTC)
Re: No Words...
Thank you so much.
Nov. 6th, 2017 04:09 pm (UTC)
I have also lit a candle.
Nov. 6th, 2017 09:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
Nov. 6th, 2017 05:49 pm (UTC)
I've lost two friends to suicide and it's a harrowing feeling. Someone so young and full of potential...I can't imagine how bad things were at home for Eli. This is a difficult time to be alive, and young.
Nov. 6th, 2017 09:26 pm (UTC)
I've lost husband's friends lovers even a grandchild but they were all accidental deaths. I've never lost a friend to suicide. But some years back my daughter lost several friends that way and I walked through that with her . Your comment about how difficult it is in these times to be young and alive really gets to the heart of the matter. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts.

Edited at 2017-11-07 11:57 am (UTC)
Nov. 6th, 2017 05:58 pm (UTC)
I’m so sorry.
Nov. 6th, 2017 09:20 pm (UTC)
Nov. 6th, 2017 07:17 pm (UTC)
I am so, so sorry.

FWIW -- My youngest son's best friend committed suicide in the middle of their first year of college. It took Robin five years to get back to being the person he was before the tragedy took place.
Nov. 6th, 2017 09:19 pm (UTC)
I am equally sorry knowing about your boy. I am mostly out of words, ya know sucked dry from so much living. *sigh*
Nov. 6th, 2017 11:01 pm (UTC)
So sorry. I wish that could help Anah, but probably nothing will. It will always hurt. What a terrible waste.
Nov. 7th, 2017 11:56 am (UTC)
Anah has always been resilient and I am hopeful that will stand her in good stead during this ordeal. She's not letting me in much yet, but has been getting together with friends and her mother is doing a great job,

What a waste, oh what a waste.

Edited at 2017-11-07 11:56 am (UTC)
Nov. 7th, 2017 05:06 am (UTC)
Oh my.
Talk about a life changer for his family.

I've had bouts of suicide thoughts. At one point even planning it. It just seemed like the easiest way out. But at some point, I saw the selfishness of it and knew that was not what I wanted to accomplish.
Nov. 7th, 2017 11:47 am (UTC)
One can only hope it will change them for the better eh,

I totally relate to having suicidal thoughts and even made a few feeble attempts when I was a teen. But like you eventually realized it was not the answer I sought. Seeing the effect the needless death of this child has had on his young friends most surely demonstrates the wide-ranging effect of the act.
Nov. 7th, 2017 11:30 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry for the loss. I remember I was 15 when I tried to take my life, and would never wish the pain that led to that attempt on anyone. I wish you and all around you strength and understanding, and hope there can at least be solace found in happy memories, and hearts mended in the love and unity it takes to go through the grieving process.
Nov. 7th, 2017 11:52 am (UTC)
I never realized how many others have thought or tried to take their life as I also have done.

Thank you for your kind and loving thoughts. We are a close family and have drawn together even closer to help the healing of our hearts.
Nov. 7th, 2017 12:12 pm (UTC)
E, email on the way. L...
Nov. 7th, 2017 01:06 pm (UTC)
This breaks me heart. No child should die by their own hand. It's a sad world that we live in that people, people who should care, don't. Poor Eli.

My condolences to you and Ahan. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Nov. 7th, 2017 02:49 pm (UTC)
"What kind of world do we live in where a 14 year child can find no Hope?"

I have no words, there are no words for the depth of despair...

Thinking of y'all and of Anah at this time.
Nov. 8th, 2017 02:13 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry. Hold tight to Anah.
Nov. 9th, 2017 07:18 pm (UTC)
You know I will.
Nov. 12th, 2017 12:50 am (UTC)
Sorry to hear about your granddaughter's loss.

The burden of saving somebody so deeply troubled shouldn't be placed on such a young girl; it's difficult enough for a non-professional adult (talking from experience here). Send her hugs from me if you think that's appropriate, or just don't say anything if you think that would only make her grief worse. *hugs for you too*

Nov. 13th, 2017 01:02 pm (UTC)
Thanks for caring. She's doing much better niw, the funeral brought relief and closure.
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )



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