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Though I come to LJ to read every day, October appears to be bereft of posts. That, no doubt, is simply because it is October which perennially appears and drags with it numerous sad memories of tragedy and loss. No matter that all of those events were long ago, still the anniversaries carry with them an energy that brings me down and I succumb. The years when I had my costume rental business were easier, no time to think. Yet, here I am starting to climb out of the pit of sorrow and get on with life again. Back on the shelf with the V. Woolf books as they were only adding to my dolorous state of mind and Virginia's depression and madness were merging with mine to make things worse.

Picked up my weights and am working out sporadically, but can't seem to force myself outside to go for a walk in the cold and wind.

This past Wednesday was lunch with my dear old friends, but it was marked by a new bit of sadness, as one of our members is having some, let's just call them issues. She thinks she's losing her mind and while N and I are hesitant to agree, there are signs. N and I are trying our best to be helpful, and attempted to help her solve her problems at our last luncheon. We explored meds taken (certainly a cause for confusion), anxieties, physical symptoms, but all we managed to do was to upset all of us and our dear friend who ended up sleeping the afternoon away on the couch. N, being a nurse, is convinced it's the onset of dementia and it is a fact that our friend's mother went totally bonkers before her death. This growing old business is a challenge in so many ways, and watching someone you've known for more than half your life and who was so bright and creative become hesitant and confused is painful and heartbreaking.

There is beauty though, in that at long last the trees (at least those who have not dropped their leaves) are turning, and I can gaze out my windows and see the woods beyond as it offers it's bounty of color.

For the first time ever I don't have the desire to dress up for Halloween. The grandchildren are too old for trick or treating and no one has time to get together. I did put up my decorations, but only because Anah wanted me to. There's always the chance that when the day arrives I might throw something together and go to the grocery just for kicks. Writing this reminds me that I really do want to get out tonight and drive around town to see the decorations, so I'll set an intention to do just that.


Oct. 28th, 2017 04:03 pm (UTC)
From silence and invisibility, on the internet, to this post is an amazing leap! And I love the pictures, and Halloween history, which follow in the next one.

I quite agree with your assessment of the effect of Ms. Woolf on our own outlooks and behaviors and think that's maybe another thing that I found off-putting about "The Hours" with its deep roots in her troubled life and its stylistic echoes of her prose.

I am glad that you felt able to accomodate Anah's request for the seasonal decorations. It's interesting, and also touching, that even as they draw away into their own lives and interests they still seem to want and need such assurances that their lives have these anchors in the past which are connected to our own.

Hoping that you both enjoy the season, for its colors and traditions, and for the chance it offers to celebrate the connection between your lives...L

Edited at 2017-10-29 02:52 am (UTC)
Oct. 31st, 2017 09:11 pm (UTC)
I'm all about taking giant leaps, quite often into the unknown. Sometimes the landings have been soft, other not so.

Anah, Erin, & Trent (the new gson) are purportedly coming down to make "mummy dogs" (basically hot dogs wrapped in crescent roll dough and with catsup eyes), a tradition for all of Anah's lifetime. I hope they do show up, but am equally prepared if they don't.

Children and grandchildren, it seems to me, like the thought of parents/grandparents rooted in their traditional spots, doing the things they've always done. I've been called a tree, and now I think I'm an anchor. I wish I had known my grandparents. Did you know yours?
Nov. 1st, 2017 03:54 pm (UTC)
E, I was actually lucky enough to know all four of my grandparents as well as my great grandmother on my mother's side. My dad was stationed in London and Paris, during WWII, and my mom and I lived with her parents in a small town outside of Erie until he returned home.

Because of that, I was always very close to my maternal grandmother, in somewhat the same way, I guess, as I have been with my own oldest grandchild. Besides which, my parents were always very good about Sunday visits to all the older relatives which included a number of great aunts and uncles.

My realization and my regret, as I've grown older, is that despite all of those opportunities I have so many questions that could've been answered if only I'd talked more with them.

While it's true that we grew up in that era when children were to be "seen and not heard," I was pretty reticent as a child, and later as an adult, about engaging face to face with others.

In that sense, I guess I was the "perfect child," lol, good at watching and listening but only realizing, in later years, what I might have discovered if I'd been a little braver about opening my mouth...L



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