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Though I come to LJ to read every day, October appears to be bereft of posts. That, no doubt, is simply because it is October which perennially appears and drags with it numerous sad memories of tragedy and loss. No matter that all of those events were long ago, still the anniversaries carry with them an energy that brings me down and I succumb. The years when I had my costume rental business were easier, no time to think. Yet, here I am starting to climb out of the pit of sorrow and get on with life again. Back on the shelf with the V. Woolf books as they were only adding to my dolorous state of mind and Virginia's depression and madness were merging with mine to make things worse.

Picked up my weights and am working out sporadically, but can't seem to force myself outside to go for a walk in the cold and wind.

This past Wednesday was lunch with my dear old friends, but it was marked by a new bit of sadness, as one of our members is having some, let's just call them issues. She thinks she's losing her mind and while N and I are hesitant to agree, there are signs. N and I are trying our best to be helpful, and attempted to help her solve her problems at our last luncheon. We explored meds taken (certainly a cause for confusion), anxieties, physical symptoms, but all we managed to do was to upset all of us and our dear friend who ended up sleeping the afternoon away on the couch. N, being a nurse, is convinced it's the onset of dementia and it is a fact that our friend's mother went totally bonkers before her death. This growing old business is a challenge in so many ways, and watching someone you've known for more than half your life and who was so bright and creative become hesitant and confused is painful and heartbreaking.

There is beauty though, in that at long last the trees (at least those who have not dropped their leaves) are turning, and I can gaze out my windows and see the woods beyond as it offers it's bounty of color.

For the first time ever I don't have the desire to dress up for Halloween. The grandchildren are too old for trick or treating and no one has time to get together. I did put up my decorations, but only because Anah wanted me to. There's always the chance that when the day arrives I might throw something together and go to the grocery just for kicks. Writing this reminds me that I really do want to get out tonight and drive around town to see the decorations, so I'll set an intention to do just that.


( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 28th, 2017 01:29 pm (UTC)
Growing old is definitely A Trip. Humbling! Even if one is not beset with medical complaints. Because in so many ways, it's a process of turning invisible...

It's worth the effort to get yourself outside, to make yourself interact even when you don't feel like it.
Oct. 28th, 2017 02:05 pm (UTC)
You betcha, it's the invisibility that bothers me most. Pretty sure neither of us were invisible in the times that came before these.
Oct. 28th, 2017 02:19 pm (UTC)
Ha, ha! No. We were not invisible!

Except when we wanted to be. :-) And maybe not even then.
Oct. 28th, 2017 04:03 pm (UTC)
From silence and invisibility, on the internet, to this post is an amazing leap! And I love the pictures, and Halloween history, which follow in the next one.

I quite agree with your assessment of the effect of Ms. Woolf on our own outlooks and behaviors and think that's maybe another thing that I found off-putting about "The Hours" with its deep roots in her troubled life and its stylistic echoes of her prose.

I am glad that you felt able to accomodate Anah's request for the seasonal decorations. It's interesting, and also touching, that even as they draw away into their own lives and interests they still seem to want and need such assurances that their lives have these anchors in the past which are connected to our own.

Hoping that you both enjoy the season, for its colors and traditions, and for the chance it offers to celebrate the connection between your lives...L

Edited at 2017-10-29 02:52 am (UTC)
Oct. 31st, 2017 09:11 pm (UTC)
I'm all about taking giant leaps, quite often into the unknown. Sometimes the landings have been soft, other not so.

Anah, Erin, & Trent (the new gson) are purportedly coming down to make "mummy dogs" (basically hot dogs wrapped in crescent roll dough and with catsup eyes), a tradition for all of Anah's lifetime. I hope they do show up, but am equally prepared if they don't.

Children and grandchildren, it seems to me, like the thought of parents/grandparents rooted in their traditional spots, doing the things they've always done. I've been called a tree, and now I think I'm an anchor. I wish I had known my grandparents. Did you know yours?
Nov. 1st, 2017 03:54 pm (UTC)
E, I was actually lucky enough to know all four of my grandparents as well as my great grandmother on my mother's side. My dad was stationed in London and Paris, during WWII, and my mom and I lived with her parents in a small town outside of Erie until he returned home.

Because of that, I was always very close to my maternal grandmother, in somewhat the same way, I guess, as I have been with my own oldest grandchild. Besides which, my parents were always very good about Sunday visits to all the older relatives which included a number of great aunts and uncles.

My realization and my regret, as I've grown older, is that despite all of those opportunities I have so many questions that could've been answered if only I'd talked more with them.

While it's true that we grew up in that era when children were to be "seen and not heard," I was pretty reticent as a child, and later as an adult, about engaging face to face with others.

In that sense, I guess I was the "perfect child," lol, good at watching and listening but only realizing, in later years, what I might have discovered if I'd been a little braver about opening my mouth...L
Oct. 28th, 2017 10:46 pm (UTC)
Hugs. Growing old is not for the weak and faint of heart.
Oct. 31st, 2017 09:14 pm (UTC)
For sure tis not. So much slips away, or fades, or matters no more. I'm so grateful to be in good health!! I expect you will be too :)
Oct. 29th, 2017 02:00 pm (UTC)
Love your past costumes :)

I, too, am not dressing up this year -- first year ever for me (I'm 32) but I'm preparing for a move and so much is going on that it's just kind of slipping by. I do have candy hidden for the trick or treaters, of course -- that's the best part :D
Oct. 29th, 2017 02:46 pm (UTC)
Thanks. Another fave tho i don't have a pic is the husband and I as Kermit & Ms Piggy.

Alas I live in the country and never gave trick or treaters.
Oct. 29th, 2017 03:30 pm (UTC)
I'm moving to the country in December so I've gone all out decorating my little city house for this last Halloween with trick or treaters :)
Oct. 31st, 2017 09:15 pm (UTC)
I'll be watching to see your reactions to country life. Have you always lived in the city? or town?
Nov. 1st, 2017 03:53 pm (UTC)
Well grab some popcorn maybe because I'm sure this will be good for a few laughs ;D

I'm what my hubs calls a "city kitty". When I met him I wore high heels everywhere (including at work everyday for nine hours) and even showed up to one of our first dates, which I knew was a boating trip, in frigging heels and a jean skirt. I really still haven't live that down haha :)
BUT now it's five years later, and I've fallen in love with camping and canoeing and most of my heels are shelved and have been replaced with hiking boots and quality running shoes. But...I'm not exactly Ms Wilderness or anything, so we'll see how this all goes hahaha (but I AM looking forward to it all! It feels like the right evolution for me, y'know? I'm looking forward to the challenging parts as much as rowing myself around in our creek or floating in the pool...I've ALWAYS wanted a pool!)

Stay tuned I guess haha :)
Nov. 1st, 2017 03:53 pm (UTC)
And yes, born and raised in the city (of Ottawa, though. lmao)

Oct. 29th, 2017 09:46 pm (UTC)
I love the napkin with the hat.
Oct. 30th, 2017 03:49 pm (UTC)
From the hands of BFF. Nikki. She is queen of holiday decorating.
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )



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