Woke this morning to sunshine, an auspicious sign for sure. As soon as it warms up I'll be outside pulling weeds. Nothing to do in the house. All that's left in the living room is the love seat and an end table. Tonight we will move the last of the stuff out of the laundry room and we will be ready for the contractor, who I hope will show up as scheduled. Contractors have historically been unreliable in my experience.
Last night Erin was wearing a huge diamond. She didn't even show it to me, but I noticed it. Made the move all the more real and I felt a million tiny shards of pain from the thought. It's all very awkward at this point. She's so silent about it as am I. I suppose she hopes to lessen my pain with her silence, I don't really know. At least I didn't wake up crying this morning, a few tears slipped out, but not a torrent.
I've lost them already. Even though they are still here, they are already gone. If Anah were as happy as her mother about it, I would be too, but she's not. She's already distanced herself. I believe she is resilient enough to adjust. Unfortunately I'm uncertain as to my own ability to do so.