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new beginnings...

Why does this new beginning for my daughter and granddaughter feel like the end to me? I've been so lucky to have them close for so long. This I know. I also know the love will not end, just the personal contact. I know nothing happens without a reason and in this life experience lies a lesson. I'm pretty sure I get at least part of the lesson.

Until Thurs night I had come to a place of acceptance, a place of relative calm with a modicum of peace. Then Anah had a major come apart  and poured out her feelings. She was shaking all over, speaking about being anxious at school, at being afraid, but not knowing why. No matter what I tried she continued to be hysterical with lots of  Panic Attack indicators. She's got a lot to deal with right now. Just turning 13 next week is enough to send a girl over the edge without the added stressors in her life.

When I see her struggling with life so much in the same way as I did at that age, peace and acceptance fly out the window and I'm angry with her mother and this selfish choice she has made.

I keep my feelings inside and do my best to reassure Anah that all is well, that she might even like her new home. Eventually she calmed down and was able to sleep.

Most likely there will be other drama before the move actually happens. I'll be there to listen whenever I can, to reassure, to love and to absorb her anger when she needs to let go.

After all, that's my job - to be the best Mooma I can be.

I am reminded of a line from the Grateful Dead, "I wouldn't mind the hanging boys, but the waiting takes so long."


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 2nd, 2016 09:53 pm (UTC)
My heart sinks as I read this. I wish I could send you something that would truly help. But I can only hope, with you, for the best. And I do. Not a praying person, but I will...
Apr. 2nd, 2016 10:07 pm (UTC)

Just knowing that you understand is important to me and I appreciate the kindness of your vibe.

Apr. 5th, 2016 04:39 am (UTC)
My family moved when I was 7 and I really don't remember much about it. I don't think I was upset about moving though I'm sure I thought I'd miss my friends and what not. Then when I was in high school we almost moved again. I was a brat and told my parents I would not go if they moved. I even found some families who agreed to let me stay with them for a few months at a time so I could at least stay for the school year. We didn't move that time. I can totally relate to your granddaughter's feelings of the unknown. That time of in our lives is hard enough as it is to have to go to a brand new town and school when you don't know anyone.

I hope there isn't too much drama before the move and that you all find ways of coping and moving forward to the good things that may come from it.
Apr. 5th, 2016 02:29 pm (UTC)

You are so right. Much appreciate the no drama vibe, makes everything so much more difficult.

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )



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