rosegardenfae (rosegardenfae) wrote,

new beginnings...

Why does this new beginning for my daughter and granddaughter feel like the end to me? I've been so lucky to have them close for so long. This I know. I also know the love will not end, just the personal contact. I know nothing happens without a reason and in this life experience lies a lesson. I'm pretty sure I get at least part of the lesson.

Until Thurs night I had come to a place of acceptance, a place of relative calm with a modicum of peace. Then Anah had a major come apart  and poured out her feelings. She was shaking all over, speaking about being anxious at school, at being afraid, but not knowing why. No matter what I tried she continued to be hysterical with lots of  Panic Attack indicators. She's got a lot to deal with right now. Just turning 13 next week is enough to send a girl over the edge without the added stressors in her life.

When I see her struggling with life so much in the same way as I did at that age, peace and acceptance fly out the window and I'm angry with her mother and this selfish choice she has made.

I keep my feelings inside and do my best to reassure Anah that all is well, that she might even like her new home. Eventually she calmed down and was able to sleep.

Most likely there will be other drama before the move actually happens. I'll be there to listen whenever I can, to reassure, to love and to absorb her anger when she needs to let go.

After all, that's my job - to be the best Mooma I can be.

I am reminded of a line from the Grateful Dead, "I wouldn't mind the hanging boys, but the waiting takes so long."

Tags: 365 writing prompts, anahmove

  • Does He Only See Me as an Eye?

    Had cataract surgery on my right tea. As usual my mind was wandering and wondering which brings me to to topic of this piece. Does my ophthamologist…

  • I'm Definitely Losing What was Left of my Mind

    I'm struggling with the implications of last week's BS, I haven't left the house in many weeks. It's cold. There is nowhere I want to go. I have…

  • The End

    While I am glad that I am finished I am also pleased that I hung in there for the entire year. At times I went for days without filming so nothing is…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.