January 31st, 2018



The local hospital called to tell me my brother had asked them to call to let me know he was in the ER. They said only he was very sick. Rushed over to find him barely able to talk and looking awful. In a few moments the doctor came in and told me that my brother had a perforated bowel and needed emergency surgery. No determinations till they got him opened up and took a look around.

Five hours later he's out of surgery with a brand new colostomy, but thankfully only air released into the abdominal cavity so less risk of infection. Last night totally out if it, this morning sitting up and talking. This afternoon out of his head because no one bothered to check his med list so he's detoxing off a bunch of head meds while in taking a HUGE load of opiates.

Who knows what comes next? Medically he's doing well, psychologically not well at all.

So much can still go wrong. And even if it goes well, how can he manage a colostomy when his hands are so crippled by arthritis he can't even tie his shoes?

Only months ago he had two toes amputated, two weeks ago he fell in the snow and has yet to recover from the frostbite.

His kids think he can go back home and live alone as he has for the 6 years since his wife died. I'm not convinced.

So, waiting, wondering, wanting what's best but not sure what is.

Sad, tired, stressed, I might just need to cry.