October 1st, 2017


October - wow

"Time keeps on slipping..." and I slip with it, lately stumbling a lot and trying not to fall into the arms of depression beckoning me to just give in, give up. Feeling the effects of the med cuts in both physical and emotional ways. I was so lucky at the beginning, and then WHAM the last week sucked. Didn't help that I had a number of commitments or that my brother chose this week to have his own come apart and wanted me to help him glue himself back together.

So, I bumped my dose back up a bit, hopeful that will soon make a difference. While I sit here wrapped in misery, the green beans beg to be picked, and the succulents must either be repotted and brought in or left out to die.

Friday saw me in the park walking, exercise being a good mood elevator. Though no one could see, my mind was trapped in a panic attack and finally I was back at the car where I sat till I could drive.

Anah has been here all weekend and for her,  I can dig through my collection of masks and put on the smiley grandma one and conceal the inner turmoil. I am grateful for her presence.

My mind wanders. It's hard to write. I'm very tired, but Anah and I are making an apple pie soon and I'll do that no matter what because it's for her.