September 8th, 2017


End of the Season Ratatouille

As this year's gardening season comes to a close and with the need to use up a variety of veggies, I was able to throw together a pot of ratatouille. I missed cutting the eggplants at their prime because the med withdrawal was kicking my butt, and have my fingers crossed that the ones I used are not bitter as over mature eggplant can be. I'm looking forward to lunch with some crusty French bread and a bowl of this silky stew.

The husband brought in the last of the onion harvest and I cleaned thise off, finding a few spoiled ones, but not many. This year did not give us huge onions, but they are very sweet.

Tomorrow is the annual Pow-Wow that my oldest daughter and her family manage. I'm not certain what my job will be and truly am not looking forward to it as my brain and CNS are very sensitive right now, but I'll do my best.

This week has been a hard one for me as I  go through the changes withdrawal produces. There has been pain, depression, nausea, and anxiety. Yet, I know nothing lasts forever and this morning I woke up feeling pretty darned good.

Why am going through this? A number of reasons come to mind. Meds of this type eventually create more anxiety than they fix. Memory loss and cognitive functions become weakened. Aging kidneys can no longer clear the crap meds, especially generic ones contain thus use holds risk of renal failure. Besides if your dose isn't constantly being raised, you are always in tolerance withdrawal. And as with any addiction, if you run out there is a high price. I once ended up in the ER having a seizure because I ran out.

How did I end up back in the same situation as I was 10 years ago, the first time I quit Xanax? Bad choices. My beloved sister in law was dying and my brother was hospitalized at the same time from electrical shock. A well meaning friend who is a nurse handed me a pill. I was desperate. I was afraid. I had unending heart palpitations. I wanted relief. I was weak, took the offer. Insanity.

The statistics are appalling on the number of people taking "head meds". Some take 2, 3, or more. Now these drugs are in our water supply. No wonder the world's  fucked up.

On a brighter note, the day is lovely. I'm going outside and work up an appetite for some ratatouille.


Concert List Blows Up

Working on a list of all concerts and artists I've seen is proving a considerable task. Festivals have multiple artists and some I don't remember.  The net has been helpful but, I had not been able to locate the Telluride Bluegrass Festival-1995. A great find, a program listing everyone who performed. My list is considerably expanded. I had totally forgotten Joan Armitrading and Michelle Shocked were there.

Attempting to organize the cumbersome list. I wrote the names down as they popped into my head, a place of some disorder. Working on assigning decades to bands. But, some like the Grateful Dead and Bob Dylan span several decades. I'll keep at it, it's a fun dance down the years.