March 4th, 2017


More letting go

Last night the husband was an absolute ass. He didn't have his teeth in and I couldn't understand him and apparently I came across as sounding hateful. Even as I tried to explain he clammed up and left the room and then our daughter says I was hateful when I was just trying to figure out the gist of it all. Once again I wonder if I can or should live the rest of my life with this man with whom I cannot communicate nor have much in common except the farm and family. When writing about it,  feels trivial so now I intend to let go of the hurt and confusion. I wish I didn't let small things bother me so much.

Today Erin and friends are moving her belongings into the garage of the new house to avoid paying another months rental on the storage unit. The painting has been delayed because the painters wife had an accident. Maybe by next week they will get you move. The stress here us palpable and damaging to my relationship with my daughter. Surely that will smooth out with time.

We did have a nice rain so perhaps the peas will emerge soon, that would bring out some smiles.

Otherwise it's been an uneventful week though I did make some progress on my knitting project. I've been trying to help my brother (no easy task) to get appointments set up with a specialist as he finally got a diagnosis of osteomyelitis in his big toe. I can handle his better moods but when he calls just to scream loudly about all that's wrong in his life, it stresses me out. He built his life by some really bad choices and I'm sorry he's not in good health, but I can't fix it. I can't even fix myself.