January 1st, 2016

moon

Losing Hope

I wish I were sitting here writing about hopes and dreams for the coming year, but that would be a lie. I'm not a good liar though I often pretend to feel better than I do so that no one will know the truth, that I've lost hope that my life will get better. I know these feelings are the results of overreacting to something that happened last night. I know it takes time to recover from a big meltdown and so I am searching for hope, maybe it's not lost but only hiding.

The meltdown triggered my IBS  and I'm certainly hopeful that eases off before the kids get here for waffles. I can't make waffles sitting on the toilet, at least I never have.

There's nothing really wrong, I am truly blessed in so many ways, I just can't seem to deal with the changes that are swirling around me, like a swarm of birds pecking with their sharp beaks, squawking no, no, no...you can't...you won't. ..why try?

A very unpleasant kick off for 2016,  so do something about it...step number 1... stop beating myself up. Step number 2...count my blessings and step number 3 get up and get busy...distraction can be a useful tool.