Viscious Circles
This morning I identified one of my most prevelent "viscious circles". Anah my three year old active, precocious granddaughter is in the charge of my husand and I.
I have been irritated by Anah running around and asking me something every five minutes.
To the irritation I add guilt for not being "a good mooma/grandma"
I vent to my husband. I say, "I think I will be too old to do the things I want by the time I am finished raising children."
Husband replies, "Raising children is the MOST important thing you can do. After all look at the good job you have already done."
I believe he is trying to make me feel better about the situation.. Only after 30 years do I have a glimmer of what he really might mean LOL
And, again I am frustrated by the totality of energy it takes to help raise my daughter's daughter. And again I am angry with myself for not being able to handle it with a smile on my face. And again, I reason that I can handle it if I try harder.. to hell with the smile on the face. It just can't be there ALL the time. NOTHING is eternal.
I started making a bracelet last night. I WANT to work on it now... and yet I consider that when the last children of mine move out... I may lose the mind like I did during another "empty nest" time.
Viscious circle: irritation, guilt, self abuse.. loss of esteem...
Enought mind meandering for now... Quick draw :) The Magician.. way cool.. I think I'll go make my best attempt to work on that necklace I started yesterday....
OH oh.. it has gotten awfully quiet in the next room... better go check on the girl :)