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Losing Hope

I wish I were sitting here writing about hopes and dreams for the coming year, but that would be a lie. I'm not a good liar though I often pretend to feel better than I do so that no one will know the truth, that I've lost hope that my life will get better. I know these feelings are the results of overreacting to something that happened last night. I know it takes time to recover from a big meltdown and so I am searching for hope, maybe it's not lost but only hiding.

The meltdown triggered my IBS  and I'm certainly hopeful that eases off before the kids get here for waffles. I can't make waffles sitting on the toilet, at least I never have.

There's nothing really wrong, I am truly blessed in so many ways, I just can't seem to deal with the changes that are swirling around me, like a swarm of birds pecking with their sharp beaks, squawking no, no, no...you can't...you won't. ..why try?

A very unpleasant kick off for 2016,  so do something about it...step number 1... stop beating myself up. Step number 2...count my blessings and step number 3 get up and get busy...distraction can be a useful tool.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
earthmother45
Jan. 2nd, 2016 05:26 am (UTC)
((hugs you gently))
rosegardenfae
Jan. 2nd, 2016 02:48 pm (UTC)

Aww thanks...HUGS always help

zenbaker
Jan. 2nd, 2016 09:15 pm (UTC)
Hug.

Sometimes that helps :)
rosegardenfae
Jan. 3rd, 2016 01:13 pm (UTC)

Hugs always welcome. ..thanks

njlorelei
Jan. 6th, 2016 03:33 am (UTC)
I'm going through past entries I haven't read in chronological order. Prior to your post was another friend's New Year post in which she said She loves to ring in the new year as she no longer takes it for granted that she will. (She had cancer, currently in remission.) I truly hope that you feel better than when you posted this and that you are able to find a bit of joy in each day ahead.
rosegardenfae
Jan. 6th, 2016 11:51 am (UTC)

I do feel better and I thank you for your good wishes.  Though I think I've got my depressive tendencies under control, then they rear their ugly heads again, but thank goodness revcovery time is shorter than it was 30 years ago

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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