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Viscious Circles

This morning I identified one of my most prevelent "viscious circles".  Anah my three year old active, precocious granddaughter is in the charge of my husand and I.

I have been irritated by Anah running around and asking me something every five minutes.

To the irritation I add guilt for not being "a good mooma/grandma"

I vent to my husband.  I say, "I think I will be too old to do the things I want by the time I am finished raising children."

Husband replies, "Raising children is the MOST important thing you can do.  After all look at the good job you have already done."

I believe he is trying to make me feel better about the situation.. Only after 30 years do I have a glimmer of what he really might mean LOL

And, again I am frustrated by the totality  of energy it takes to help raise my daughter's daughter.  And again I am angry with myself for not being able to handle it with a smile on my face.  And again, I reason that I can handle it if I try harder.. to hell with the smile on the face.  It just can't be there ALL the time. NOTHING is eternal.

I started making a bracelet last night.  I WANT to work on it now... and yet I consider that when the last children of mine move out... I may lose the mind like I did during another "empty nest" time.  

Viscious circle:  irritation, guilt, self abuse.. loss of esteem... 

Enought mind meandering for now... Quick draw :)  The Magician.. way cool.. I think I'll go make my best attempt to work on that necklace I started yesterday....

OH oh.. it has gotten awfully quiet in the next room... better go check on the girl :)


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 22nd, 2006 03:17 pm (UTC)
The Magician =) the creative time =)
COOL, gotta show us the necklace!!
Oct. 25th, 2006 01:41 am (UTC)
If that's Anah, she's a cutie! Energy, energy, energy, where is your energy going...bring it back! I remember you saying you were interested in EFT. There is an online manual at this site.
...Even though I feel this...irritation, guilt, self abuse.. loss of esteem..I deeply & completely accept myself. <-that's just how the technique works, don't get bogged down by the affirmation part of it.
And if you get right into it, come join us at eftcommunity
Oct. 25th, 2006 04:08 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for the site.. I am going to explore it :)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )



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