rosegardenfae (rosegardenfae) wrote,

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Another Friend on the Brink

Just got a call from my goddaughter, Cate.  She is in town because her father is dying.  Cancer in the stomach.  He is on morphine and being cared for by hospice.  He has asked to see me.

I will do my best to go say goodbye personally.  

I am having a difficult time "keeping it together"  as combined with the withdrawal symptoms, further emotional trauma really sucks.  

Steve, my dying friend has been on my mind though I haven't talked to him in over a month.  I recently finished scanning my pictures from the Ozark Music Festival which I attended in 1974.   Today I am meeting with a woman I met online who is writing a book on this festival.  Steve is in many of the pics... Steve is the guy in the cowboy hat.. I am not in this picture.. LOL -,_%281974%29

Sleep last night was tortured, rent with nightmares that forced me awake  -shivering... I made the decision to go back up a notch on the antidepressants until I can sleep again, and the withdrawl symptoms lessen.  I am doing my best not to be uptight with myself because of this decision.  It just had to be done. I came off too quickly, 25 per cent cuts instead of 5-10 per cent as is recommended.. I have always been in a HURRY!!

At the moment I am feeling much better than I did for the first two hours of awake time this a.m.  So, there is HOPE...

Today October 19 is my ex-best friend's birthday, the date of my mother's death, my second daughter's anniversary, and the date my husband was disagnosed with cancer... (he is ok.. now)  I need to create some better associations with this month...

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