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Subject: I LOVE This Doctor!!


Q: I've heard that
cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for
so many beats, and that's it.. don't waste them on exercise. Everything
wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by
driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. 



Q: Should I cut down on meat and
eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical
efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?
Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of
delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is
also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork
chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable
products.



Q: How can I calculate m y
body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and
you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your
ratio is two to one, etc.



Q: What are some of the
advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one,
sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for
you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ....
Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated
in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me
from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you
exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if
you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa
beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your
figure?

A: If swimming is good for your
figure, explain whales to me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: Is getting in-shape important
for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


Well, I hope this has cleared up
any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to
the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and
well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Diet Coke in one
hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn
out and screaming"WOO HOO, What a Ride"

AND......

For those of you who watch what
you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.  It's a relief
to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little
fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

2 The M exicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little
red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of
red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of
beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently
what kills you. 

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lightgirlfx
Jan. 29th, 2008 08:44 am (UTC)
this is really cute and funny ~
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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