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The Widow

She stood alone arms wrapped tightly around her body, more to keep her from exploding than as protection from the chill air of November. Her newly bestowed state of widowhood had not really sunk in, though her rational mind knew that the casket being loaded from the back door of the hospital contained the mortal remains of her husband of two months. In her mind she was still feeling the high of a just confirmed pregnancy and the wonder of new love. Yet, it was at this moment that the darkness entered her and began to grow, just as the newly formed life within her grew.

Appropriately clad in black, she managed the necessary decisions, arranged for the care of her two small daughters, and accepted the folded flag with due respect. Though today, the whole affair is a dim thing in her memory, the flag stands out of the black, in it's red, white, and blueness, a spot of color in all the blackness.

Now an old woman, as November rolls round, especially when the first day is all gray and cold, she remembers and the blackness that has never gone away totally becomes large. The flag, long gone, decorating a robber's lair, not there for consolation. She is left again to wonder why, what if,...and go about her day relying on time to soothe that which will never heal.

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
egg_shell
Nov. 2nd, 2016 03:46 pm (UTC)
Returning seasons and anniversaries still carry the emotional charge of bygone years I've noticed. Sorry... I hope today is better. Do you feel like things turned out okay as time went on?
rosegardenfae
Nov. 2nd, 2016 03:59 pm (UTC)
Sure things have turned out okay. Yet, that single trauma played out 50 yrs ago continues to affect me negatively, though I often speculate that my life may be better now than if he had lived. Life is such a mystery.
earthmother45
Nov. 5th, 2016 02:39 pm (UTC)
I know I miss a lot on LJ and my mind just doesn't have the recall it used to, but I'm thinking this is you that you are writing about. It's so deep and heartfelt, and one of the most poignant, beautiful writings I have ever read about feelings and mourning and missing someone. I have read it several times with tears streaming down my cheeks. You have a way of writing that is just so wonderfully descriptive...not a single word is wasted.
rosegardenfae
Nov. 5th, 2016 07:07 pm (UTC)
Yes, me, 1968. I want you know that your comment means so very much to me. Knowing that my words touched your heart and that you like my writing makes me feel really really good.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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